Memang tak dinafikan sudah lama dah aku menganggap adikku sorang ni yang sedang gigih berjihad di perantauan seseorang yang semakin hari, semakin matang pendiriannya. Perubahan ini bukan sahaja ketara dari segi pemikirannya, tetapi juga dari segi sikapnya dan perwatakannya. Setiap kali dia pulang rumah bercuti, aku dapat perhatikan cara dia bawak dirinya, cara dia bertutur dan berinteraksi dengan semua di sekelilingnya. Memang beza sekali dengan adik yang aku kenal sebelum dia berlepas ke negara Kiwi. Jadi tak hairanlah bila perubahan yang ada pada dirinya mula menonjol dalam tulisannya.
Tapi bila baca entrinya yang terbaru, aku mengaku agak terkejut juga dengan isinya. As grown up as I knew him to be, I didn’t know he had progressed this much.
So here’s a repost of what he wrote (without his permission, because I’m his older sister, and so authoritative like that) on a topic I’ve had to dodge more times than usual lately:
To love her for Him by Lutfi Belwael
Many people have been talking to me about marriage lately. I wonder why. I still remember this one occasion when a friend of mine asked,
“Lutfi, are you married?”
“What!? No! Do I look like I’m married?”
“Engaged?”
“No, I’m not. why?”
“Why don’t you get married?”
“Well now that you ask, marriage is not that simple for me. And you didn’t answer my question.”
“What’s so difficult? You’re an able man. Get married quick.”
“Easier said than done, brother.”
“Look Lutfi, I got married at the age of 27 and the first thing I thought was ‘Why in the world didn’t I get married sooner?’”
Laughs. OK, he might have a point. I mean, he’s not the President for nothing.
Why is marriage not that easy for me? Surely, there are so many reasons why it’s not easy. It shouldn’t be easy for anyone! Why do you think marriage is considered as half of our deen? There is such a heavy weight on marriage in Islam such that it is so highly regarded by Allah in many narrations of our Prophet PBUH. Many people do not consider the implications of a pure relationship between a man and a woman in a marriage. That’s why many of them end in divorce. What are the typical questions someone asks when considering marriage? Spouse? Money? Education? Job? Wedding? Guests? Food? And the list goes on. Material things.
How many people even ponder on the most essential points? And this is especially so for the man. When I inquire about a woman for marriage, I do not want to know what she should do for me, I want to know what I should do for her. In my opinion, marriage in Islam is not for satisfying my needs. It’s not for me at all. It’s for Allah. It’s for Islam. It’s for my wife. It’s for my children. It’s for my family. It’s about responsibility. It’s about providing love and care to another soul as Allah has commanded.
If I marry, I will ask my wife of nothing, except that she obeys Allah and His Messenger. For I know that on the Day of Judgement, I will bear the weight of her sins on my back if she doesn’t. Islam says, what’s mine is hers, what’s hers is hers. Islam says, she will be rewarded with the good deeds that I do, and I will be punished for the bad deeds that she does. My wife in this life, is my wife in the next. Marriage is eternal and transcends death. A marriage for Allah’s sake may bring me to Jannah, while a marriage based on anything else may bring me to Jahannam. It’s more than just ‘tying the knot’.
But Allah knows, I want to hold her hand and guide her when she is lost. I want to protect her when she is in danger. I want to be her crying shoulder and wipe away her tears when she is sad. I want to laugh at her jokes. I want to be patient and understanding with her when she is angry. I want to forgive her faults when she makes a mistake. I want to accept her flaws and imperfections. I want to be kind and gentle to her. I want to be her friend and companion. I want to be her guardian and supporter. I want to be her teacher, leader and imam. I want to be the father of her children. I want to be there for her through sadness and sorrow, hardship and grief. I want to be there for her in happiness and ease. I want to please her for the sake of Allah.
I want to show her compassion and affection like the Prophet PBUH, who used to show a great deal of affection towards his wives. Aisha reported that the Prophet would only enjoy his meals when she would sit next to him. They would drink from one cup and he would watch where Aisha would place her lips on the cup so that he could place his lips on the exact position. He would eat from a bone after she would eat from it, placing his mouth where she had eaten. The Prophet used to also help around the house. Aisha narrated, Prophet Muhammad used to stitch his clothes, milk the goats and help in the chores inside the house. I want to emulate our beloved Rasulullah SAW, and I know, this is why it isn’t easy.
So ask yourself now, is marriage easy?
Wow, right? Contrary to his belief, he sounds pretty ready for the big step to me. Definitely more than his older sister here. I’ve told my family time and again the whole langkah bendul thing is more than just likely to happen - it’s practically a certainty. And though my sister has threatened to matchmake me if I don’t find another half within 2 years, we all know who’s going to get the RM50 in the Siapa Kahwin Dulu bet. I actually had a dream last night about being married, to whom I can’t quite recall, but the horror stayed with me until I woke up.
However I might sound, I do believe in the sanctity of marriage. I believe in the union of 2 good people to each other, and if a man had to find a lady to make his life complete, I’d rather he be one who understands exactly what he’s doing and what he’s taking on.
Have you ever wondered why most clerics just rattle on and on about women and what they’re expected to do for their husbands, but never quite as much about their rights as a wife? I’ve always been miffed by it, which is why if I had to read on something marriage-related written by a man, the above piece would be an example of material I’d appreciate. Finally, a man who writes about the husband’s responsiblities towards she who complements him. And by my own brother, no less! He has surpassed me.
So ladies..anyone interested in becoming my sister-in-law?
Tee hee.
Enough said here.
But really, how do we do this L? Haha, kidding… 
