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Can’t you tell?

Posted by: lubnaaa | July 7, 2009 |

I’m a Jo, trying to be a Beth, trying to be a Jo.

And maybe a bit of Meg too.

(But never an Amy.)

I go up, down, am nice, turn mean, act rational, illogical, panic over the small stuff, stare straight into storms, ramble incoherently, speak eloquently, dress elegantly, then mismatched clothes, I swear, feel better when I do, feel bad at the same time, at times passionate, other times indifferent, bold and terrified, opinionated and quiet, obstinate and flexible, shy and loud, awkward, fit in, I’m asleep, I’m ready to move, I care, I don’t, I stand out then disappear, I want this that and that, maybe not this, not that, sunsets and moonlight, completely confident, somewhat diffident, my mind says one thing, my heart says another, then they switch, one moment sure, the next uncertain, sometimes happy, sometimes sad, sometimes good, sometimes bad.

I feel like a complexity of simplicities, when really I’m just so obvious.

I’m fire trying to be water trying to be fire.

Mana tak gila?

Enough said here.

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Fear not. I think a lot of us are like that.

Am going thru it myself.

I suppose we are all walking contradictions trying to make sense of the multi-dimensions of our characters.

Or perhaps, there is a touch of crazy in all of us after all.

“You’re mad, I’m mad, we’re all mad.”
- The Cheshire Cat

It’s exhausting, especially when you’re AWARE you’re mad. You end up psycho-analysing yourself,, knowing what’s the problem but you’re helpless to do anything about it.

Argh, we need a mad session Els.

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