“I even got out my old sled and my old scarf. There is something cozy about that for me. I walked over the hill where we used to go and sled. There were a lot of little kids there. I watched them flying. Doing jumps and having races. And I thought that all those little kids are going to grow up someday. And all of those little kids are going to do the things that we do. And they will all kiss someone someday. But for now. sledding is enough. I think it would be great if sledding were always enough. But it isn’t.” - The Perks of Being a Wallflower
I wish it was. I miss things when the biggest worry of the day was whether the rain was going to spoil a day planned on being spent outside. Now there’s just too many other things, like I hope I’m not sending the wrong signals and that deadline was yesterday and was I professional enough and I’m not happy with my work and how am I going to pay for this and what am I going to do with you and how could you do this to me.
They say be careful for what you wish for.
I asked to grow up, and I can actually feel it happening. There’s this internal transition going on, and I can sense the things I usually hold dear are slowly being chipped at. I can read something exquisite, look at a breathtaking photo, hear a sweet song, watch a whole movie and not feel a single thing. If something does stir inside, it’s probably boredom or indifference. So maybe this isn’t synonymous to ‘growing up’, but looking at the functioning adults today, I think it’s a step in that direction. It’s like everything’s shriveling up, fading, dying. It’s time to wake up, to stop dreaming, to be practical.
I’m at crossroads right now, and I’m being persistently shoved in one direction from behind.
I seriously do not like to be forced.
You know what I want right now?
I want sledding to be enough.
Enough said here.
