“Then I realized something: That last thought had brought no sting with it….I wondered if that was how forgiveness budded, not with the fanfare of epiphany, but with pain gathering its things, packing up, and slipping away unannounced in the middle of the night.” -The Kite Runner
I still remember what my doctor said to me the first time I went for my follow up after being discharged last year. At the time, it had been a month since I had come home, but my hacking coughs hadn’t stopped yet.
And so he told me this: “The coughs won’t go away overnight.” Did I know it. “You’ll still experience a little shortness of breath now and again.” And how. “But you’re going to be just fine. Give it a few months, and they’ll stop eventually. When they finally do, you won’t even realise it.”
I’ve come to see that forgiveness works in the same way.
People can wrong us. It’s a truth, as equal to the fact that we can wrong them too. And sometimes, the pain that comes with that wrong might seem like it’s done too damage and gone too deep to ever heal, and maybe there’s a truth to that as well.
But healing isn’t completely impossible.
There’s a saying that we might not have control over what happens to us, but we do have control over what we do with what happens to us.
Some are able make that choice, make a conscientious effort and choose to forgive and let go.
They see that holding on serves no purpose other than aggravating the damage, and that there’s a real chance of living out the rest of their lives in bitterness and misery.
And so they struggle, not without difficulty, to unchain themselves from being held down by the unnecessary weight of such a burden.
They choose to bury the pain for good, and more often than not, some are successful and have never looked back since.
But not all of us are that brave or as strong. Some of us aren’t able to make that choice, no matter how much we want to. And some of us choose not to.
So where does that leave us?
Sometimes, forgiveness doesn’t require effort. It can happen. Given the time and opportunity, you’ll find that you don’t even need to try. Ghosts of your past will take leave of you slowly, fading before disappearing altogether.
The need to exorcise these demons doesn’t even arise; it happens naturally, but only if you’re willing to let it happen.
I suppose it’s a gradual process, but there will come a time when you’ll look back and see that what you thought was a significant time in your life was really quite trivial in the grander scheme of things.
And on one fine day, you’ll wake up and see that every anger or hurt or disappointment that you thought would haunt you for the rest of your days has evaporated without you even realizing it. What’s left are the shadows that will shape your experiences and teach you your lessons. But the pain would no longer be there, would no longer ache, would throb itself out till it finally dims and all that’s left is a dulling thud that will eventually ebb away without you noticing.
And so just like the hacking coughs, they’d leave you, and leave you unaware of its departure.
Ramadhan, as it is known, is the Month of Forgiveness.
Hold to forgiveness, command what is right, and turn away from the ignorant.” - Qur’an, 7:199
If even Allah SWT can forgive us, I think it’s not too much to ask of ourselves to at least try do the same for those who, in one way or another, have affected us so greatly that we’ll never see things the same way again. Even when they don’t seek it, even if they’re undeserving of it, I think we owe it to ourselves to cut away the bad and to live in the good.
“Beware, in the body there is a piece of flesh; if it is sound, the whole body is sound and if it is corrupt the whole body is corrupt, and hearken it is the heart.” (Narrated by Muslim)
Anger and hate is like an infection that will slowly spread before it consumes us whole and completely. We deserve more than to live like that. I believe we’re better than that.
“Those who avoid the greater crimes and shameful deeds, and, when they are angry even then forgive.” - Qur’an, 42:37
I believe we’re capable of it, if only we truly see.
To my fellow Muslims, I hope you’re making the most of your Ramadhan this year. Only He knows whether we’ll live to see the next one.
Enough said here.
