You know that feeling you get when you come up with a good
comeback 3 hours too late?
Try a couple of years too late.
The situation doesn’t really warrant a comeback, but the
feeling’s just the same.
I want to say what I should have said at that time.
I want to tell you that I wasn’t unaware of all those
glances in the rearview mirror. Did you really think I wouldn’t notice? I hated
it back then, and I feel ashamed as I recall it now.
Prying eyes. That’s what they were. You were looking for something
that wasn’t yours. You were searching, and I didn’t want to be found.
True, I should have said something. I should have sounded my
objection. But I looked away, and pretended to be ignorant.
Because I had felt like I had no right.
And it makes me angry now that I had felt that way, that I had
let you, that I remained silent, that I was made uncomfortable, that I endured it, that I thought I was being too harsh and
judgmental.
It was you who had
no right.
None at all.
And for all the time it took for me to say this,
as I free myself from this memory,
I hope to God you’ll always remember, regret and repent.
