Currently Playing: Yann Tiersen’s violin piece - Sur Le Fil.
It’s wicked how he wields the instrument. I could just watch him play all day.
‘Sur Le Fil’
means ‘On The Wire’ in French. Tiersen’s other instruments besides the
piano, accordion and violin also include the melodica, but he uses
other brands of tools as well to capture a broader range of music and
sound, such as a typewriter and something called the “ondes Martenot”,
French for Martenot waves, which refers to an early electronic musical
instrument invented in 1928.
What do you mean, I’m obsessed?
—————
It’s one of those heavy nonsensical entries today. I don’t expect to make sense.
I went to a friend’s room
some time back to take my books
and notes from her. I was supposed to just drop by to collect them, but
I ended
up staying until close to 4am, just talking. It’s always been the case;
the best conversations I have with people are those that go unplanned,
usually when I find it most inconvenient to have a conversation in the
first place. I love the people who can engage me without having me feel self-conscious about what I’m saying or how I
say it - it is in these honest moments I find words and thoughts
flowing out that I never realised I had in me.
One of the many topics that cropped
up that night was a question I’ve always wondered.
You know how people pride themselves on their thoughts and opinions, about what
they think, perceive, believe, or how they take a particular stand on a matter
and confidently attribute it to independent thought? We pride ourselves on
being capable of forming our own judgment, thinking that it’s solely based on
personal knowledge, experience, and to an extent, maybe our own individual
upbringing.
But how independent are our thoughts, really? How free is our thinking?
How are
we to know that what we opine isn’t just a cumulation of subtle
brainwashing from
powerful quarters who have the means of projecting their own agenda in
such an
attractive manner that we don’t see how influential they are? I mean
really, how much of our ‘independent thoughts’ really belong to us? How
do we know for sure we aren’t being controlled through systematic
indoctrination? Take a look at this, before you rule me out to paranoia.
I need to know where to draw
the line between what is authentic and what is fake, because we are
only as real as what we think, as what we perceive. Cogito ergo sum,
no? I do not want any of my thoughts to have originated from a corroded
perception of something I don’t believe in. I offered to my friend that
conspiracy theories might not be so far-fetched. I mean, if the big bad
US of A can go gallivanting about invading countries with nary a worry,
why not this? A war with no soldiers.
My friend laughed, saying I was thinking too much, but she allowed room for me
to explain why I thought so. I suppose I’ve always been one who’s uncomfortable
with taking anything at face value and leaving it at that. Maybe I’ve been
built to always reserve a small space for suspicion or skepticism…which can be
good or bad, depending on how you see it. Nothing is what it seems, or maybe I’m just overanalysing.
I enjoyed the conversation though, as ridiculously long as
it was. I have all these thoughts in my head that I keep and ponder on, but
usually refrain from letting them spill over.
It isn’t common for me to talk about these thoughts out
loud, especially to people I know. It’d usually be with strangers on chance
encounters in the street…like that middle-aged Chinese man I talked to on the
commuter the other day, whose name I didn’t catch, and whom I’ll probably never
meet again. With people around me though, I’d just feel so out-of-place because
most of them have their heads firmly on their shoulders. Everyone is just so stable; I’d be the resident
oddball.
And that’s my confession for the year 2007. Yes, 30 days too late.
I’m just less of the type to ask people “what movies do you like?”
as compared to asking “how close to reality do you find modern movies? Is it
life imitating art or the other way round?” What they answer helps me see people clearly, to see what wavelengths they travel on, and whether I’ve veered too far off from normalcy. I wish I could do that more, to just plunge into the deep end and ask people ‘hey, what’s your biggest fear?’
Is it bad that I prefer skipping trivialities but endure them anyway
because that’s the norm? Because I can’t break free, and as much as I’d love to
ask “what’s your funniest memory?” the first time I meet a person, I’d be more
likely to go with the customary “what course are you taking?” instead.
It’s just safer that way.
Enough said here.
Ps. Have you ever felt like an old soul, stuck in a 21 year old body, both naive and worldly at the same time?
Pps. Confession numero dos: I’ve developed a girly girl crush on this photo of Tom Sturridge. The photo not the boy, the photo not the boy.
Ppps. Well then, there goes this entry’s credibility.
