Currently Playing: One Republic - Apologize.
My internship officially ended last Monday.
My office hours were the basic 9am-5pm.
In that time, I tried dabbling in a little psychological game by
fancying myself as a full-fledged working woman. I just wanted to see
what it’d be like to make believe that the internship was a
proper job which would carry on for the next 10 years or so. I changed my
mindset just to see how my reactionary process would take it and respond.
To put it bluntly, if the results of that
experiment is anything to come by, I’m basically screwed. I’m not
looking forward to what my future just might hold for me.
A typical day during the programme went something like this:
Up by 6.30am, Subuh prayers with the family, send brother to school, bathe, breakfast, begin walk to bus station.
By 8am or so, I’d catch the next bus to the
nearest commuter station, and if I’m lucky, I’d be on board the KL
Central-bound commuter by 8.30am. Then there’s the matter of getting
off, and boarding the LRT which will stop at Asia Jaya, before
walking/sprinting (depending on the time) to the office located a
10-minute walk away. Of course, there’s also the bulk of research
materials I buckle under, which I lug to work every day to consider,
the mad crowd to dodge and avoid, and the unpredictable weather.
By 5pm, Sheik and I would call it a day and
he’d give me a ride to TTDI. Thank God for small mercies. I don’t think
I’d stand going through the entire LRT-commuter-bus process again. He’d
leave me at a taxi stand, where I’d stand around for about 10 minutes
to flag that one taxi who will be kind enough to send me home.
After all that, it’d be an understatement to say I’ve learned my bit in the whole public transportation business.
On days when Mum could afford to lend the car,
I’d take it without a second thought, only to join the throngs of other
vehicles jamming the road, all heading in the same direction.
In the office itself, I’d try to keep busy as
much as possible, but whiling the hours away was a lot harder than I
thought it’d be. Lunch time was a major reprieve, big time. With Sheik
as my only lunch buddy, we’d flip turns as to who gets to choose where
we eat. There weren’t a lot of choices, and most of the time, we ended
up in the same stall. At least he’s got a sense of humour and can hold
his own in a conversation. If not, lunch would be another painful
affair to add to the list.
And that’s it. Day in, day out, clock in, clock out, to and fro.
So…unbelievably…routine.
I put myself there. I put myself in the shoes
of every one of those people I watch at the commuter station, in the
LRT, the guy in the next car who’s stuck in traffic, the lady who’s
wading through the rain on a bad day, and I get it now. I can see why
each face that I see is just so lifeless. Without realising it, I became
one of them. Mechanical, robotic, faceless drones. On to work, back
from it. Always hurrying, having no time, moving moving moving. Slowly,
I began to understand.
Riding through the industrial slums of KL, and
looking at the sea of tired, frustrated people all around me in the
commuter, it hit me square that in 2 years time, give or take, I was
going to be one of them. Not in make believe, but for real. Stuck in a
job that keeps me in some stuffed-up place, and at the end of the day,
stuck amongst people in some cramped commuter who probably have it
worse.
Frankly, that scares the crap out of me.
And it makes me angry that there are so many
people who are barely getting by, and prices still keep on going up.
For instance, I know there are a lot of people who use about less than
a quarter of the entire LDP stretch (like those who live in Kepong/Sg.
Buloh and work in TTDI/Kota Damansara) but are unfairly subjected to
ridiculously steep toll hikes because of circumstantial locations.
But I digress.
The experiment throughout the entire
internship not only put me in the place of the common working worker,
not only exposed me to the social realities of the deprived majority,
but also told me that I’m not fit to be placed behind a table for hours
on end. I don’t think I’m built for it.
I know I pursued this topic last year - the question about whether I was heading in the right direction in life, and I’m still at a loss.
If I really could have everything my way, I’d like to go work in a ranch for a few
years. Like Mcleod’s daughters. Yes. Farm labour in an ideal setting sounds very appealing.
Bet you didn’t know I could be that type. 
Enough said here.
