organised chaos

Currently Playing: Until June-You Do.

Lets get some facts straight.

First off, I get very annoyed
when I am telling the whole truth and people see it right to not
believe me because they’d rather stick with their own notions of what
they’d prefer to believe. Very annoyed.

If I say I
haven’t studied, then I haven’t studied. If I say I feel ill-prepared,
then I may be ill-prepared. The fact that I haven’t flunked (as of yet,
na’uzubillah) doesn’t mean I was lying. It just means I get proven
wrong a lot. If we say we haven’t missed a class of yours, then we
haven’t missed any. You can’t blatantly accuse us of skipping when it’s
due to your incompetency to note down our attendance in the first
place. I get pissed at instructors who put on sceptical faces when I
have absolutely no reason to lie. Especially when I’m not a good
liar in the first place. And especially when I make an effort to
attend every class even though I’d rather subject myself to other
means of torture. Like calling Cristiano Ronaldo’s dramatics against
the Hotspurs ‘real talent’. Hah. As if. Seriously though. At least even
if you can’t give us the benefit of the doubt, stop putting on that
‘yeah right’ look. It drives me up the wall! I feeling like pounding it
right out of your smug little face!

I don’t think I’ve ranted so openly
like that in a looong time. Its very therapeutic. I always look forward to a
good #$%*&!!! (Not an explicit word, just a manner of expression).

Speaking of, nak beli boxing gloves satu pasang. Mana-mana tempat yang jual harga bes sikit, give me a buzz.
—————
I’d
like to make a little clarification to the boys who are a little slow
on the maturity development out there: if a girl is friendly and nice
to you, it does not mean she’s falling for you.

I
understand that there have been some of our fellow womenfolk who have
embarassed us by throwing themselves shamelessly at you, but they are
the exception rather than the general.

The problem is people
believe what they want to believe. A girl could be making her
affections very obvious and apparent, but if the guy’s not interested,
he will choose not to see it and would dismiss it or pretend to be ignorant
about it. On the other hand, a girl he’s been eying could be a little
kind to him, and BOOM! Up comes all these misguided notions that she’s all over the guy.

Hit stop. Rewind. Replay in slow-mo.

A guy’s ego could be his best weapon against the world, but it could
also be the most effective self-destructive tool against himself.

I set out years ago to prove platonic guy-girl friendships were
possible without drama, and Alhamdulillah, most of my friendships with
guys have lasted til today with little trouble. Worst case scenario
would probably be a war of words about philosophy. Or football. Or
anything, for that matter. But I value my guy friends’ worth just as
much as I do my
girlfriends. All of them have left me assured that the phrase ‘all men
are jerks’ can be refuted, and that there will be many lucky women in
the
future, if not now.

"I have a hard time trusting men."
"I’m not ‘men’. I’m not a group. I’m just me."
                                         -Playing By Heart.

And for all the "just me’s" I have met, I am grateful.

I am setting out on this seemingly petty
issue because some of my friends have been wrongly subjected to gossip of being
flirts. This, when I know that these friends of mine are nowhere even
remotely close to the very description. It has left me agitated. These
girls are respectable girls who know their limits and boundaries. They
have many guy friends because of their intelligence, personalities and
they have that air of being approachable. In addition,
they’re also very attractive. I suppose people make it a rule that
almost perfect girls can’t be friendly to just anyone because
they’re born snobs. One show of kindness by them and the immediate
conclusion is that they’re flirts. How unfair is that?

So
here,
I’d like to make a personal request to the good men out there. A little
show of friendliness doesn’t mean we’re coming on to you. It might be
tough to comprehend that a girl can want to be "just friends", and it
may be impossible to think that she doesn’t have the hots for you, but
that you will have to accept.

A smile is a show of happiness at your
presence. A compliment
is a show of admiration. An advice is a show of genuine concern. A
problem related is a show of trust. A thank you is a show of
appreciation. These are expressions common in all friendships. Stop
reading in between the lines when there aren’t any
double meanings! Apalah dei. If we like you, we’ll either go right on ahead and say it, or show it a little more than your average female friend. Capishe?

If you don’t want us to turn cold or stiff just to get the message
across to you that our interests lie only within the confines of
friendship, then stop letting your egos stretch your imaginations to
the skies.

It
has come to my attention that my self-worth was publicly defended by a friend of mine lately. Apparently, he was listening in on 2
guys who were feeling very gossipy one particular night, and upon
hearing false news about a non-existent conduct of mine, he interjected
sharply and
vouched for me. A witness related the incident back to me, and I was
touched to the bones. Him, I can call mature. Him, I can regard my
brother. He hasn’t mentioned it and doesn’t know I know. That makes his actions even more honourable in my eyes.

So there you go. Mutual respect and understanding. Key words to a
non-drama guy-girl friendship that will last through the
times, Insya Allah.

Just don’t read too much into things.

(Of course, it goes unsaid that employing a degree of common sense would also be required. If the girl practically spells it out for you, and you still don’t get it, that I cannot help. If it’s the real deal, you should be able to know.)

—————

I wasn’t able to attend the conference, by the way. Assignment due one day, presentation another, and an exam at the end of the line of obstacles. Yes it left me quite upset, and I spent the better part of last week complaining about it. Raihan understood how much I had wanted to attend, especially to listen to Ali Shalah’s (the former Abu Ghraib prisoner) testimony and account of his experiences behind barbaric bars. I was instead reduced to reading about it and watching it on RTM Dunia tonight. She did the next best thing for me:

                                                         Ali Shalah
                                                                     ’Adu ila ana’
                                                       (Pray for me)

I don’t think I have ever hugged Raihan so hard before. =)

—————

Jom tengok Murderball. At least before you leave.
4 days left.

Enough said here.