Currently Playing: Some random Fiona Apple track.
I think one of the biggest mistakes we make in life is that when things get bad for us, we tend to think other people have it easier than us. Some swallow it back and try to be patient, but others take it a step further and begin resenting everyone for it. The worst is when we start resenting ourselves.
I resent myself every time the finals come around. It either makes me want to crawl into a foetal position under my covers and not come out til it all goes away, or become a human cannon and launch myself into a wall, headfirst, no helmet.
Rationality would tell me that I don’t want to end up the mess I was the semester before, or the semester before that, and then I remember the endless promises I would make to myself that the next semester wouldn’t be like this…that I’d change.
I break that promise over and over again.
There’s a voice inside my head screaming that I know I can take care of this, that fixing something is never too late, but the rest of my limbs won’t comply and I end up being depressed and spending time doing everything but studying. Its like my whole body system totally rejects any form of discipline when the exams arrive.
I don’t usually let other people’s expectations of how I’ll do in the exams affect me, except for my parents. I’d be lying though, if I said it isn’t difficult not to be affected.
I don’t think even my friends know how close I feel I am to screwing up every time the semester ends. Every time I worry or panic or break down or generally lose a few screws up there, I’m usually disregarded as overreacting because my results don’t usually show it.
That isn’t fair.
Everyone has a right to be afraid of what lies ahead, even if the past has shown they have faired relatively well in earlier times. They have that much more tendency to trip and fall. It gets harder every time. Learn to not judge others, no matter how better you think they have it. It isn’t all candy and fluff in their world.
I suppose I should be more mature and place these finals in its proper place—that the world will not end if I don’t make the grades I’m aiming for and that life still goes on…which is perfectly true, if you think about it.
As for now though, I think I’m going to have to blow these exams out of proportion and hang my very dear life on it.
Because everyone’s panicking and cramming and I can’t even bring myself to care.
So at least this way, I might start getting serious for once.
Enough said here.
Ps-All the best for your finals everyone.
Pps-Link feed! Because you know my day won’t be complete without giving you a page to go to.
