Currently playing: Matthew Ryan-Hummingbird.
Compartmentalisation. That’s the word of the day.
Emotions placed in folders, mood swings categorised, marked and checked, feelings neatly put in order.
Robotic, so you might say.
Mechanical, so you might say.
Lifeless, so you might say.
But effective to a certain extent.
At least there’s Control.
Or is there?
I suppose there would be control when the mood gear shifts into the ‘Focused’ slot.
That’s when one gets the drive to actually do something.
Like studying, for example.
Once the drive is there, everything seems possible.
You actually get a kick out of working, or exerting yourself in something useful.
But is that really Control?
What happens, say, if that mood gear suddenly gets jammed into a slot where you just can’t give a damn anymore?
It happens.
Days on end wasted because you want to waste them. You enjoy wasting them, although at the back of your mind there’s a voice screaming Responsibilities! Duties! Consequences! All ignored, because it just feels so good to look out the window and embrace the sky, to strum the light breezes, to wind the air around your fingers, to just…LIVE.
And it all comes with a heavy price when you want to live too much.
Lets say we take those impulse files and throw them in the air…would a clutter of everything really make things any better? There’s a bit of control here, and bit of spontaniety there, but all in all, its still all jumbled up. In the end, you’d end up confused of what you’re feeling, but guiltless when Consequences comes a-knocking because you have a valid excuse to back you up. Is that better than the former situation, where we know what we’re feeling, but as a result of that, end up with a guilt-baggage when our gear gets stuck in the wrong slot?
Another side of Compartmentalisation has links to being ourselves.
I suppose we are all but human prisms, and we present to different people different angles of ourselves…which is why some of us tend to confuse people when we forget which angle we’ve been presenting all this time and show a different side of us. Hence, the term ‘unpredictable’ is born…but there is no such thing. Its merely a manifestation of a shift in angles, accidental or otherwise.
One wonders though: does that mean that there isn’t any permanent, non-changeable angle which encompasses all that we are?
Yani has a phrase to describe me whenever I start talking/writing like this:
"Lubna terkena air."
The reason behind this being that whenever I come into contact with Water, I tend to have my mind wander about into the realms of the downright Strange. And yet I am a Leo, with Fire being my natural element.
So there you go. I am both Fire and Water.
What are you?
Enough said here.
