You.
How do I define you?
You infuriate me, sadden me, anger me, disappoint me, confuse me…
but most of all,
worst of all,
you leave me so very conflicted.
Never have I met a person so complicated, so contradicted as you.
I have tried so hard to understand you, again and again…
and again.
Time though, is telling me that these attempts are futile, and the day when I can finally look at you with complete familiarity will never come.
On some days, you become someone whom I can respect, look up to, seek out for, reach out to.
And on other days, you frighten me.
This fear does not stem from you, but from the fact that I can loathe you that much. That I can loathe anyone that much, for that matter.
I wish I owned or possessed whatever it is you need for you to be fixed…but apparently, I don’t, and all I’m left with are my prayers…and Hope…perhaps. Alas, even Hope seems to be giving up on you.
The worst is this uncertainty…this lack of knowing, whether to love you or…or otherwise. I do not know who you are by default.
I abhor this feeling. It would be so much easier to despise you if you were completely hateful. But I can see the good in you clearly as well.
It is like a neverending moving pendulum; it swings from one side to another, rocks to and fro, unstopping, unwavering, constant…
And so perhaps all that is certain is this uncertainty.
Enough said here.
